It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize