I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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