my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do vagina's smell?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize