im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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