M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
