just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
