so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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