I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
