drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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