so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
