Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
