Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
