my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
