Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
