You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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