Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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