Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
