I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
