my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
