She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
whose parrot is this?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
