my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
