You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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