im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
