Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
