I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
