He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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