yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
