does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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