Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
