apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
