just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
