sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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