If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
