I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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