Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
