Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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