whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
