Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
