This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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