I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
