She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
