On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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