legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
