I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
