Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
