I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
