smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
