I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
