oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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