I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
