Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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