Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think my moral compass just broke
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