Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize