just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
