She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Two words: blizzard sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
