check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
there is puke in my bra ... again
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