so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
