listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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