I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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