Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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