I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
