WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
