when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
