she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
