K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need help removing her.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
