are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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