i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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