Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just pee around me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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