You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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