I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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