It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
