she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
