Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
try to milk me bitch
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