sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
