I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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