so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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