the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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