So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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