yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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