i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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