I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
